


あなた。

by junxouji



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop, Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - MAMA (Music Video), Alternate Universe - Mutants, Basically Chanyeol acts as the narrator, F/M, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Metaphors, Original Character Death(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:38:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3842518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junxouji/pseuds/junxouji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>—and they will remember me only for the blood on my hands and never the fire in my veins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	あなた。

**_1._**  She smiles and the sun shines. From the first moment you saw her you just _knew_ that she would suddenly be the pivotal point in your life, you spinning around her axis that centers your hammering humming bird heart. Her eyes are beautiful and you wonder if anyone ever tells her she is the sun reincarnated because she has a melancholy flowing through her veins but there’s a dull fade in her sweet eyes, like maybe once there was a flame but someone blew it out. And you understand  _so_ well.

    She seemed wistful for the old days when she didn’t need a reason to smile.

    All that comes out is a sigh that screams how your breath has been stolen from your lungs, and she just smiles at you and tells you that you’re her best friend. And you cannot help but smile back even though the ocean of your desires are drowning you alive.

 ** _2._ ** She goes through many boyfriends but you promise yourself you’ll never say  _I told you so_ when she returns again and again. She was a disaster waiting to happen. The freight train that isn’t going to stop no matter who stands in front of her. And you take that step knowing full well that you’re going to fall regardless— why not fall with a _fury_?

   You love her more than any of those guys. It was the first step really. The one that doomed you for failure as you watched her go then crumbled to the ground because you’re sending her off to another guy who is going to break her heart. Why doesn’t she see the one guy who could never hurt her? Though you realize slowly on the day of your sixteenth birthday you  _will_ hurt her. It comes out like a  _passion_ and you realize your new found ability is tied to your emotions. _  
_

**_3_**. If nothing saves you from death, may her love at least save you from life. But you’ve ran out of luck that time when you rush to her side when she calls. She’s stumbling drunk and in tears. Even with the coal surrounding her gentle eyes smeared, she will always be the most beautiful to you. You see the marks on the crooks of her elbows — black, blue and purple bruises accentuating the pale skin. You wonder when was the first time he hit her and when the first time she shot up to ignore the pains of her heart.

   You don’t say anything at first.

   But when you find her another day unconscious in her bathroom, hair covered in puke and the pills next to her you cannot ignore it any longer. She screams at you.  _Really_ screams. She tells you that you’re puppy dog eyes aren’t ever going to win her affection. That you are pitiful and that makes you sickening. That you think you’re so high and mighty with your scholarship. It all hurts as you strip her bare eyes avoiding the bruises you always knew were there and wash the sickness off her as she cries. Her bones are gaunt and your fingers brush the  notches of her spine.

   How can love ruin a person so?

**_4_**. She brings a yapping bundle to your apartment one raining night.  _He’s homeless Chanyeol!_ And it’s the smile in her eyes that makes you ignore the ugly squished face of the black pug. 

   You adopt Princess and the black pug becomes your comfort in the nights when you wonder how stupid you’ve been. You cuddle the dog when you lose control and burn your favorite couch pillow made by your mother. Your fingers are burnt and your eyes water from the smoke. A neighbor knocks and you say you burnt something in oven rather than your heart.

**_5_**. She’s cleaning herself up. She asks you to help her study and get caught up with homework. Of course you say yes. And for a while it’s like it use to be. You’re both smiling and laughing but it’s the  ringing phone and the lingering smell of booze on her.

   You know more than anyone you cannot just forget who you love.

**_6_**. He’s changed, she says. You don’t want to scold her for falling back into a laundry list of bad habits. But what can you do? You chew your tongue and go back to life as it was before.

   There is school, the shitty part time jobs you manage to pay for university and rent, and there is Princess. And the fires threatening to consume your heart.

_**7**_. Your ocean body, your sea heart. You wonder how you manage to hold it all in?  The ocean waves becomes for you a haunting nostalgic sound. She is your ocean. A swift motion. Always ripping her currents to interrupt your momentary peace.

   Only when closing in your pitifully small radius of activity do you realize how sad it all is. You wait by the open window, as the cold wet air blows thinly to dampen your already wet face — when had you begun crying? You realize how sick you’ve been this entire time. How caught up on her, how pitiful, and how _fucking_ in love you are. You feel _her_ slipping by, elusive like the rain, through your grasp… You never once thought that you might hate the ocean and rain becomes it puts out the fire threatening to break loose.

_**8**_. She does  _slip_ from you. You wonder why her parents are calling you but then it occurs that even they know as well. Everyone does. And they send you the pitying looks like  _such a nice guy in love with such a bad girl_. You pick up the phone and you know it’s an omen. Her mother is crying. The fire is threatening to come up from your throat- you have to remind yourself to be calm.

   The words are short and to the point.  _She’s gone, Chanyeol._ And you drop the phone because all your days waiting by the window were for naught. It crushes you. No more hoping for winter days by her side, for sneaky kisses to her pale shoulder, no more picking her back up when she’s a mess, and no chance to tell her  _holy shit, oh god how much I love you_. 

   It all began with her and surely, it will all end with her. It hurts most because when you sit down at your laptop to flip through the pictures you saved you see an email. Just one, which surprises you, because no one ever bothers to talk to you since high school. You open it and it says only three words. 

_I’m sorry. Goodbye._

**_9_**. If you were a recluse before you are nearly nonexistent now. You go through the motions of living. “ _in the darkness, two shadows, reaching through the hopeless, heavy dusk. their hands meet, and light spills in a flood like a hundred golden urns pouring out of the sun_ ” you wake up from that dream pretty quickly and weep. Because now you can only see her in the crevices of your memories and the haunting of the photos scattered around your apartment.

   You box it all away along with your heart. Because you cannot take it. You’re tired of her mother checking up on you, your parents expressing their worries, friends you haven’t seen in months try to ease your pain with their company. You’re tired of it all.

   You just want to fucking  _burn_ in peace. You go out that night with the intention of ending it all but instead you cannot seem to take the jump. Your skin alights aflame stronger than it ever has but you do not burn.

 ** _10_**. Forgotten is the smiles and joy. Replaced is the bitterness and heartache. Did you not think she would stain her mouth with your blood too? It’s only then you see the extent of her destruction.

   the ten steps of falling in love—  to the breaking of even the most pious.  


**Author's Note:**

> It's a lot different than my normal style! I kind of like it though. I want to explore different styles.
> 
> If you got through this then I thank you. It was inspired by a roleplay of mine. I guess I could solve the unspoken things that are going on: Chanyeol falls in love, he develops a mutation that allows him to generate fire, he loses that love, and tries to commit suicide but due to his mutation he's unsuccessful.


End file.
